TDW Question

For real now! Have you ever felt so strong about someone and loved them off so much when you was together with em that when shit took a turn for the worse and they did unforgivable shit or unfortunate shit popped off, you felt like your heart just broke into a million and a half pieces and you struggled like crazy to heal those emotional scars and wounds? Have you ever actually cried (be it once, twice or more) over someone you loved? Have you ever sunken into a deep stage of depression because a single event or series of events that were beyond emotionally trying? Let's discuss "heartbreak"

Alright, let's discuss.

I've had four boyfriends. I was only serious about one of them, the last one. We broke up because I did something unforgivable to him (but if it had been him, I would've forgiven him right away, simply because it was a little thing). But he said it was A LOT of little things, but he wouldn't tell me what they were.

I apologized to him a million times, but sorry didn't cut it. One time he was at my house and we were talking. He was on sitting on the bed and I was on the floor leaning against the door. He kept rubbing at his chest. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. I asked him if it hurt and he said yes. I told him "It feels like a million knives just stabbing you over and over again, right?" and he said yeah and asked me how did I know. I replied that I was feeling that same thing too.
He didn't believe me because he thinks that I WANTED us to break up, and that I MEANT to hurt him.

Anyways after we broke up, I couldn't eat or sleep. All I could do was think about him and fight down the urge to call him. I'd make up a bunch of different scenarios in my head, of how we would get back together. I made a list of over 300 reasons as to why we should be together. I could only sleep if I cried myself to sleep. I went from 124 lbs to weighing 111 lbs.

Crazy shit.
I'm (sort of) over it now. I realize that "we" just won't happen again, even though I want us to be together. But I still go through those nights where I cry over him and those random moments where I suddenly remember things he said or things we did together.

And then I get that weird, sort of lost look on my face.

Do you ever feel this way? Ever get to the point where you simply feel you've been hurt so many times in the past you just don't wanna set yourself up for more potential future hurt and disappointment from a member of the opposite sex? Are you in fear of potentially falling in love with someone you are currently seeing because you know your the "real" type and when you do care and love for someone it's real and unfortunately that love and concern has been beaten and abused so often by others you just don't wanna give your heart away........ Do you despise the whole idea of 'love' and think it's simply an abstract fairy tale state of mind that only exists in movies but in reality is something so unreal and twisted and misused and no longer "pure" ?

Sometimes I think that way, when I'm feeling down. But what am I going to do? Lock myself up (metaphorically speaking) and not let anyone in? What if the guy actually likes me and he has no bad intentions? If I don't let him in it would be unfair and it would hurt him.

At the end of the day it's just foolish to be afraid of love. If you go into a relationship, expect that something bad MAY happen (because relationships at our age never last really long anyways), but live for the good times you two are having together.

Don't expect them to be 100% honest with you, because it is impossible to be 100% honest with anyone, even yourself.

If you're having doubts about a relationship, but choose to get into it anyways, realize that this is a choice YOU made and that when it doesn't work out you have no right to blame the other person. Don't say "Oh it was a mistake". People are not mistakes. You can't make mistakes with people, only with objects. And if you act like a past relationship was a "mistake", you are treating that person as an object; and that means you don't have much respect for them.

ALL relationships, including the failed ones, are LESSONS, not mistakes. What you take from those lessons is up to you and varies from person to person. You could hold yourself back and hide yourself in an attempt to not get hurt, or you could accept the fact that pain is a part of life that helps you mature and learn something about yourself and other people as well.

If you hide yourself from LOVE, if you're afraid of getting into a relationship becuase you're afraid of getting hurt, there is only one word to describe you.
PUSSY.

It doesn't matter how tough you are, how many guys you can take on in a fight, how you survived stabbings, car crashes, ANYTHING. If you're afraid of getting hurt because of love, you're just a coward.