Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
and sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Coldplay - The Scientist

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are.
I had to find you, tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,
Oh lets go back to the start.
Running in circles, coming up Tails
Heads on a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.

Oh take me back to the start.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures,
Pulling your puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start.
Running in circles, chasing up tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.

I'm going back to the start.

As The Sparrow Bukowski

As The Sparrow Bukowski

To give life you must take life,
and as our grief falls flat and hollow
upon the billion-blooded sea
I pass upon serious inward-breaking shoals rimmed
with white-legged, white-bellied rotting creatures
lengthily dead and rioting against surrounding scenes.
Dear child, I only did to you what the sparrow
did to you; I am old when it is fashionable to be
young; I cry when it is fashionable to laugh.
I hated you when it would have taken less courage
to love.

Lessons

I've learned...
That eternal loves can end in one night.
That great friends can turn into mortal enemies.
That love, alone, does not have the power that I thought it did.
That listening to others is the best medicine, but also the most lethal poison.
That we never know anyone completely... After all, don't we spend our whole lives trying to find ourselves?
But today I love myself a lot more, because I understand myself a lot better.

Trust is not a luxury, it is essential for survival.

The few friends who helped you up when you were down, are a million times stronger than the many who pushed you.

That saying "never again" never actually fulfills itself.
And that the word "forever" doesn't actually mean forever.

That my family, with it's thousands of differences, arguments and disagreements, will always be here for me.

I will always be surprised, either by others or by myself.

That I will fall and get up millions of times, but I still won't have learned everything!

Que amores eternos podem acabar em uma noite... Que grandes amigos podem se tornar ferrenhos inimigos... Que o amor, sozinho, não tem a força que imaginei... Que ouvir aos outros é o melhor remédio e o pior veneno... Que a gente nunca conhece uma pessoa de verdade, afinal gastamos uma vida inteira para conhecer a nós mesmos....Mais que hoje eu me gosto muito mais,
Porque me entendo muito mais também... Que confiança não é questão de luxo, e sim de sobrevivência... Que os poucos amigos que te apoiam na queda, são muito mais fortes do que os muitos que te empurram... Que o "nunca mais" nunca se cumpre... Que o "para sempre" sempre acaba... Que minha família com suas mil diferenças, está sempre aqui quando eu preciso... Que vou sempre me surpreender, seja com os outros ou comigo... Que vou cair e levantar milhões de vezes e ainda não vou ter aprendido tudo!!!

How true.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

- Mark Twain

Beauty Survey

Name: This is on the internet. Not telling. =)

Age: Teen (not telling either).

Height: 5'5

Weight: 123 lbs.

Do you consider yourself attractive?: Yes.

Do others consider you attractive?: Yes. I only know of one or two people that don't, and I;m not sure if there's anyone else who agrees.

What is your biggest insecurity and why? My thighs and butt getting too big. All my weight goes to my thighs and butt, so I'm afraid of becoming too bottom-heavy.

Have you/Would you consider using plastic surgery? Why or why not?: No. I scorn it, especially seeing as how most of the women in my family (on my mother's side) have done some type of cosmetic surgery. Including my mother.

What is your relationship with make-up? Don't wear it, don't buy it and find it a pain to apply it when I HAVE to wear it.

How much money do you/think is reasonable to spend on your appearance?: $10-20. This is for shampoo and conditioner though, does this count?

What is your experience of dieting?: I don't diet. My mom diets, so I guess that means automatically everyone in the house is on a diet. Honestly though, she just cut out sugary, greasy junk foods and started buying healthier food products. SO technically it's not a diet, it's just a change in what we're eating.

Have you/ anyone you know tried any specific diet programs i.e. Lighter Life? How did that affect your health? your moods? your relationships?: I've never tried any sort of specific diet program. My aunt took weight-loss pills though, and I just thought it was really weird and a big waste of money. I mean, she's a housewife, doesn't work or anything, and my uncle just GIVES her money whenever she wants it, so to me it would make more sense for her to convert her basement into a home gym and work out a little. And cut out those cookies and pizza. So I felt a little disgusted at her.

Do you have any experiences of eating disorders i.e. either yourself or someone you know?: I knew girls at school who had bulimia, but I wasn't friends with them. I haven't suffered from any of these disorders.

How did other people react to this; what was the fallout?: N/A.

Have you had negative experiences relating to your appearance and people’s reactions to it? When I was about 12/13, my self-esteem improved A LOT. And it hasn't gone down since then. See, my background is Brazilian, and our image of beauty there is WAYYY different than North American beauty standards. In Brazil, a woman with a curvy, hourglass figure is more desirable than an anorexic model. So once I rejected North American beauty standards (which is hard to do since I live in North America), my self-esteem sky-rocketed, because I DO have an hourglass shape. My mom says I'm fat, and so do one of my aunts (who already has a reputation for putting down other girls), but I don't really care. My aunt also calls me cow tits, because my breasts are 'huge" according to her, but after a while I just learned to ignore her.

What about positive reactions to your body? I get compliments from a lot of people, random people, people I know, etc. My OWN reaction is what counts though, and it's been positive for the most part, but I appreciate constructive criticism.

How has your body image and attitude changed over the years? Yeah. Basically I'm more confident in the way I talk and handle myself. I notice now that I'm more confident people will listen to what I have to say and pay more attention, which is a good thing. My self-esteem suffered a blow when my aunt moved in because the only perfect women are her two daughters, and she is forever comparing me with my cousin who is one month older than me. But then I realized that although my cousins are pretty, their attitude and personalities are not. And I think personality is what really counts in a person.

What do you love about your body? My curves and my eyes. I think the eyes are a Scorpio thing, because I have a lazy-eye but I love them anyways.

What is your opinion on the media portrayal of women’s bodies? I don't follow the North American portrayal of beauty. I only embrace the Brazilian portrayal because it was made for women with body like MINE. And I am Brazilian, so why would I accept anything else? It has flaws obviously. Not every woman is born with an hourglass figure. Women in Brazil are forever getting liposuction, breast reductions, etc, etc, just to fit into this image. But growing up here in North America, I have a lot of resources available to me. There are videos on Youtube demonstrating how PhotoShop is used to change someone's appearance COMPLETELY, and there are enough pictures of Celebrities Without Makeup. We get taught in school about how the media feeds us these images and we are taught to love ourselves the way we are. Now, whether girls actually take these lessons to heart is one thing. But I have, and I'm proud of my body. But I'm also not going to fall into Brazil's trap and get breast reduction just because I have big breasts.

What would you change about the way you/ your friends/ your family/ general people see their bodies? I would like my mother to be less influenced by my aunts (her sisters and sisters-in-law). I would like the women in my family to SHUT THE FUCK UP about my body. I like me the way I am, and there is no way I'm going to change myself for THEM. I want them to realize that unlike THEIR daughters, I'm proud of myself and my appearance, and that's why I don't feel the need to change things about myself. I would like the women in my family to realize that MEN aren't everything, and that a man is more attracted to a woman who is confident in herself, than a woman who is constantly thinking of ways to "upgrade" herself and is constantly reapplying her makeup. I just want women to accept other women, and not compare themselves to other women so much. Just be happy the way you are, and don't criticize other women so much.

What makes you feel beautiful? When I put on a skirt and go salsa dancing. Also when I'm with that special someone.

and just for fun… Do you shave legs/pits/upper lip moustache?
Legs, mostly in the summer because I wear capris and stuff. Armpits, mostly in the summer as well. In the summer I wax below the belt for my swimsuit. No upper lip moustache, but I do my eyebrows obsessively.

TDW Question

For real now! Have you ever felt so strong about someone and loved them off so much when you was together with em that when shit took a turn for the worse and they did unforgivable shit or unfortunate shit popped off, you felt like your heart just broke into a million and a half pieces and you struggled like crazy to heal those emotional scars and wounds? Have you ever actually cried (be it once, twice or more) over someone you loved? Have you ever sunken into a deep stage of depression because a single event or series of events that were beyond emotionally trying? Let's discuss "heartbreak"

Alright, let's discuss.

I've had four boyfriends. I was only serious about one of them, the last one. We broke up because I did something unforgivable to him (but if it had been him, I would've forgiven him right away, simply because it was a little thing). But he said it was A LOT of little things, but he wouldn't tell me what they were.

I apologized to him a million times, but sorry didn't cut it. One time he was at my house and we were talking. He was on sitting on the bed and I was on the floor leaning against the door. He kept rubbing at his chest. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. I asked him if it hurt and he said yes. I told him "It feels like a million knives just stabbing you over and over again, right?" and he said yeah and asked me how did I know. I replied that I was feeling that same thing too.
He didn't believe me because he thinks that I WANTED us to break up, and that I MEANT to hurt him.

Anyways after we broke up, I couldn't eat or sleep. All I could do was think about him and fight down the urge to call him. I'd make up a bunch of different scenarios in my head, of how we would get back together. I made a list of over 300 reasons as to why we should be together. I could only sleep if I cried myself to sleep. I went from 124 lbs to weighing 111 lbs.

Crazy shit.
I'm (sort of) over it now. I realize that "we" just won't happen again, even though I want us to be together. But I still go through those nights where I cry over him and those random moments where I suddenly remember things he said or things we did together.

And then I get that weird, sort of lost look on my face.

Do you ever feel this way? Ever get to the point where you simply feel you've been hurt so many times in the past you just don't wanna set yourself up for more potential future hurt and disappointment from a member of the opposite sex? Are you in fear of potentially falling in love with someone you are currently seeing because you know your the "real" type and when you do care and love for someone it's real and unfortunately that love and concern has been beaten and abused so often by others you just don't wanna give your heart away........ Do you despise the whole idea of 'love' and think it's simply an abstract fairy tale state of mind that only exists in movies but in reality is something so unreal and twisted and misused and no longer "pure" ?

Sometimes I think that way, when I'm feeling down. But what am I going to do? Lock myself up (metaphorically speaking) and not let anyone in? What if the guy actually likes me and he has no bad intentions? If I don't let him in it would be unfair and it would hurt him.

At the end of the day it's just foolish to be afraid of love. If you go into a relationship, expect that something bad MAY happen (because relationships at our age never last really long anyways), but live for the good times you two are having together.

Don't expect them to be 100% honest with you, because it is impossible to be 100% honest with anyone, even yourself.

If you're having doubts about a relationship, but choose to get into it anyways, realize that this is a choice YOU made and that when it doesn't work out you have no right to blame the other person. Don't say "Oh it was a mistake". People are not mistakes. You can't make mistakes with people, only with objects. And if you act like a past relationship was a "mistake", you are treating that person as an object; and that means you don't have much respect for them.

ALL relationships, including the failed ones, are LESSONS, not mistakes. What you take from those lessons is up to you and varies from person to person. You could hold yourself back and hide yourself in an attempt to not get hurt, or you could accept the fact that pain is a part of life that helps you mature and learn something about yourself and other people as well.

If you hide yourself from LOVE, if you're afraid of getting into a relationship becuase you're afraid of getting hurt, there is only one word to describe you.
PUSSY.

It doesn't matter how tough you are, how many guys you can take on in a fight, how you survived stabbings, car crashes, ANYTHING. If you're afraid of getting hurt because of love, you're just a coward.